Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
