Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
