You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
