So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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