The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
