I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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