My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
