Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
