Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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