giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just want nice things and good sex
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My ass is underappreciated
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
