My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
