I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
