I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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