Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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