I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
