Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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