I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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