Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
