Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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