Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you didnt know i had herpes?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm both gender and math confused
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
