I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
