I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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