So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
