He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
