I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Randomize
