Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
