I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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