Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
