I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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