I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
