I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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