I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
