Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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