It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
