My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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