you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
