So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Randomize
