that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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