It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
