and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
