Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
