my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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