yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
