i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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