Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
