Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
should my penis look like a turkey
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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