i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
