Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Never joke about your clitoris.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
