I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
