i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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