please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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