you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
